Week Two - How Insecurity Affects Us

Discussion

We began this week's discussion with a warm-up question: What was your first paying job?  Akane worked at the front desk in her dorm, Julie worked at Miller's Outpost, Khanh worked at Sizzler (briefly ;), Wendy at Disneyland, and I worked at in the teacher library at the Walnut Valley USD office.  Shelly, Linda, Cheri, anyone else...? 

Then we were asked to think of the stereotypes that come to mind when we think of "insecure women".  We were pretty unanimous in our responses:  We tended either to think of overly done-up women, who may boast and brag about their accomplishments in a desperate attempt to hide their insecurities; or the women who are very mousy, unsure and introverted.  We also agreed that these women were usually the extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to being insecure.  The rest of us tend to fall more in the middle. 

Share a specific time in your past when insecurity kept you from doing something you wanted to do or stopped you from using your gifts... (pg 13)  A couple of us had stories about when we had allowed our insecurities to hinder us in our younger, formative years, and how so many insecurities were "born" during that time. 

How would you define insecurity in a word or brief phrase? (pg 13)  We had a few:  not believing in yourself; the idea that something is what it really isn't; and being afraid.  Beth Moore used the word:  self-sabotage.

Please read the definition pulled from the book, The Tender Heart, found on page 14.  What parts of this definition seem accurate?  Explain how you fit this description.  We gave specific examples of our own insecurities.  I shared how I am overly sensitive to offending people, and how when I do, it eats me up.  Others shared how they are often afraid to speak up, worrying that they will mis-speak or sound stupid.  Still others shared how they fear being very forgettable.  Then the idea was brought up that some of us feel insecure when we are unintentionally left out of our own groups' individual meetings or outings.  Like when a couple of us girls get together on the fly, and it causes others of us to question what is wrong with us that we were not invited.  This again was with the understanding that it was our own insecurities causing us to ask these questions.

Moving on was another definition about the expectations we put on our relationships.  What unrealistic expectations have you placed on relationships in the past?  How can we become more conscious of our negative patterns in relationships? (pg 15)  One great example that was brought up here (that a few of us could relate to) was the "leech" friend.  The friend that happily accepts calls from us, lunch dates, thoughtful gifts, etc., but never thinks to return the favor.  I think we all agreed that the best way to break the cycle of these types of friendships is to recognize what is going on, and distance yourself from these people.  Julie suggested it as "learning to love yourself first" by not letting someone take advantage of your desire to grow or keep a friendship.  We also talked about forgiveness, but with knowledge that there are still consequences to the original action.  When someone burns you, let that burn heal... But you certainly don't have to stick your hand back in the fire!

We did talk briefly about having false positives.  This is basically the idea that if you had something that someone else has, you would be secure in yourself.  I think one false positive that resonated with all of us "stay-at-homes", was the idea of having a career.

Read Roman 8:9 and 2 Corinthians 4:7.  How should this transform the way we view ourselves?  We don't have to fret with our insecurities, because what are we but jars of clay?  Our real treasure is on the inside - the new life we've been given through Christ Jesus. 

In reading then Psalm139:1-4, 13-14; Ephesians 2:10; and 1 Peter 2:9-10 we learned that God knows everything about us, and has from conception.  He has also set us aside as His chosen people and planned how we as Christians can use our talents to serve Him.  And lest we take pride in ourselves for being set aside by Him, we must always remember:  to God be the glory!