Discussion
We began this week's discussion with a warm-up question: What was your first paying job? Akane worked at the front desk in her dorm, Julie worked at Miller's Outpost, Khanh worked at Sizzler (briefly ;), Wendy at Disneyland, and I worked at in the teacher library at the Walnut Valley USD office. Shelly, Linda, Cheri, anyone else...?
Then we were asked to think of the stereotypes that come to mind when we think of "insecure women". We were pretty unanimous in our responses: We tended either to think of overly done-up women, who may boast and brag about their accomplishments in a desperate attempt to hide their insecurities; or the women who are very mousy, unsure and introverted. We also agreed that these women were usually the extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to being insecure. The rest of us tend to fall more in the middle.
Share a specific time in your past when insecurity kept you from doing something you wanted to do or stopped you from using your gifts... (pg 13) A couple of us had stories about when we had allowed our insecurities to hinder us in our younger, formative years, and how so many insecurities were "born" during that time.
How would you define insecurity in a word or brief phrase? (pg 13) We had a few: not believing in yourself; the idea that something is what it really isn't; and being afraid. Beth Moore used the word: self-sabotage.
Please read the definition pulled from the book, The Tender Heart, found on page 14. What parts of this definition seem accurate? Explain how you fit this description. We gave specific examples of our own insecurities. I shared how I am overly sensitive to offending people, and how when I do, it eats me up. Others shared how they are often afraid to speak up, worrying that they will mis-speak or sound stupid. Still others shared how they fear being very forgettable. Then the idea was brought up that some of us feel insecure when we are unintentionally left out of our own groups' individual meetings or outings. Like when a couple of us girls get together on the fly, and it causes others of us to question what is wrong with us that we were not invited. This again was with the understanding that it was our own insecurities causing us to ask these questions.
Moving on was another definition about the expectations we put on our relationships. What unrealistic expectations have you placed on relationships in the past? How can we become more conscious of our negative patterns in relationships? (pg 15) One great example that was brought up here (that a few of us could relate to) was the "leech" friend. The friend that happily accepts calls from us, lunch dates, thoughtful gifts, etc., but never thinks to return the favor. I think we all agreed that the best way to break the cycle of these types of friendships is to recognize what is going on, and distance yourself from these people. Julie suggested it as "learning to love yourself first" by not letting someone take advantage of your desire to grow or keep a friendship. We also talked about forgiveness, but with knowledge that there are still consequences to the original action. When someone burns you, let that burn heal... But you certainly don't have to stick your hand back in the fire!
We did talk briefly about having false positives. This is basically the idea that if you had something that someone else has, you would be secure in yourself. I think one false positive that resonated with all of us "stay-at-homes", was the idea of having a career.
Read Roman 8:9 and 2 Corinthians 4:7. How should this transform the way we view ourselves? We don't have to fret with our insecurities, because what are we but jars of clay? Our real treasure is on the inside - the new life we've been given through Christ Jesus.
In reading then Psalm139:1-4, 13-14; Ephesians 2:10; and 1 Peter 2:9-10 we learned that God knows everything about us, and has from conception. He has also set us aside as His chosen people and planned how we as Christians can use our talents to serve Him. And lest we take pride in ourselves for being set aside by Him, we must always remember: to God be the glory!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Week One - Insecurity: A Bad Friend
Discussion
We began this week's study by going over prayer requests which I will list at the bottom. Then we began on page 1 of our workbook (which is always a good place to start :).
We talked briefly about what prompted us to join this group, which for most was the same - we joined because this is OUR group! And though none of us feels that we are overly insecure, we did feel that we each do have insecurities in our lives which would be good to address. We also had a new person join us: Khanh. We were very happy to welcome her. She shared that she wanted to join our study because it sounded interesting and would hopefully enhance the other Bible study she is involved in.
On page 4, we addressed the question: How pervasive is insecurity among women? Are there some women who seem to get off the hook when it comes to insecurity, or do you think it's something we all grapple with? We were pretty unanimous in our response - all women deal with some sort of insecurity on one level or another. Some insecurities come from our childhood/parents, some from our culture/society and some from our current relationships/friendships. Sometimes friends who are insecure with themselves can intentionally or otherwise pass their insecurities on to us. We also discussed briefly the insecurity we can get about our kids when it comes to the dangers that they face.
What helps you feel secure? When in your life have you felt the most secure? (pg 5) Though no one had specific examples, we agreed that feeling secure comes from yourself, and being okay with who you are. Letting go of what (you think) other people think of you.
In our culture, how much weight do women place on male validation? (pg 6) We talked about our dads' influences in our lives - how for one, having strong male validation from her father as a child led her to seek it as in adult in her husband, and how for another, whose main validation came from her mother as a child, seeks more independence as an adult and strives to be a strong woman like her mom. Though we did all agree how important it is to a child to have a strong father influence. Someone mentioned an article Akane had sent out a while ago about how to talk to girls, and how they should be validated on their smarts, achievements, likes and opinions; instead of on how they look.
We touched briefly on Jeremiah 17:7-8 (see pg 7). If we are the trees in the analogy, the water is what the Lord offers to us. If we put our roots (trust) in Him, then we can remain green (confident people) despite negative outside influence.
Next, we read Psalm 103:13-18 (see pg 8). The Lord created us and knows how frail and shaky our lives are. Still, what is His response, according to Psalm 103? What might that tell us about how He views us when we struggle with insecurity? Psalm 103 talks about how fleeting our lives are, and relatively insignificant in the history of the world, and yet God finds us significant. He loves us and keeps promises to those of us who fear Him, and follow Him, thereby validating us. So, if God has validated us, why do we need to seek validation from others, or need to care what others think of us? Wendy also pointed out, that the word "fear" can have negative connotations, but in this context it refers more to reverence. We also talked about how self-respect should not be mistaken for insecurity (e.g. wearing make-up, doing your hair, wearing nice clothes, etc). Taking care of your body and putting your best foot (or face) forward, simply shows that you respect what God has given you and want to present that for your own benefit. Ms. Moore sums it up nicely in the end: The Lord knows how frail we are, how emotionally fragile our insecurities make us - and He loves us with an everlasting love anyway.
One more quick thing - I shared with the ladies a great book I have found for answering my kids' questions about God. It is called If I Could Ask God Anything by Kathryn Slattery. It has also opened up some great discussions between me and my kiddos.
We began this week's study by going over prayer requests which I will list at the bottom. Then we began on page 1 of our workbook (which is always a good place to start :).
We talked briefly about what prompted us to join this group, which for most was the same - we joined because this is OUR group! And though none of us feels that we are overly insecure, we did feel that we each do have insecurities in our lives which would be good to address. We also had a new person join us: Khanh. We were very happy to welcome her. She shared that she wanted to join our study because it sounded interesting and would hopefully enhance the other Bible study she is involved in.
On page 4, we addressed the question: How pervasive is insecurity among women? Are there some women who seem to get off the hook when it comes to insecurity, or do you think it's something we all grapple with? We were pretty unanimous in our response - all women deal with some sort of insecurity on one level or another. Some insecurities come from our childhood/parents, some from our culture/society and some from our current relationships/friendships. Sometimes friends who are insecure with themselves can intentionally or otherwise pass their insecurities on to us. We also discussed briefly the insecurity we can get about our kids when it comes to the dangers that they face.
What helps you feel secure? When in your life have you felt the most secure? (pg 5) Though no one had specific examples, we agreed that feeling secure comes from yourself, and being okay with who you are. Letting go of what (you think) other people think of you.
In our culture, how much weight do women place on male validation? (pg 6) We talked about our dads' influences in our lives - how for one, having strong male validation from her father as a child led her to seek it as in adult in her husband, and how for another, whose main validation came from her mother as a child, seeks more independence as an adult and strives to be a strong woman like her mom. Though we did all agree how important it is to a child to have a strong father influence. Someone mentioned an article Akane had sent out a while ago about how to talk to girls, and how they should be validated on their smarts, achievements, likes and opinions; instead of on how they look.
We touched briefly on Jeremiah 17:7-8 (see pg 7). If we are the trees in the analogy, the water is what the Lord offers to us. If we put our roots (trust) in Him, then we can remain green (confident people) despite negative outside influence.
Next, we read Psalm 103:13-18 (see pg 8). The Lord created us and knows how frail and shaky our lives are. Still, what is His response, according to Psalm 103? What might that tell us about how He views us when we struggle with insecurity? Psalm 103 talks about how fleeting our lives are, and relatively insignificant in the history of the world, and yet God finds us significant. He loves us and keeps promises to those of us who fear Him, and follow Him, thereby validating us. So, if God has validated us, why do we need to seek validation from others, or need to care what others think of us? Wendy also pointed out, that the word "fear" can have negative connotations, but in this context it refers more to reverence. We also talked about how self-respect should not be mistaken for insecurity (e.g. wearing make-up, doing your hair, wearing nice clothes, etc). Taking care of your body and putting your best foot (or face) forward, simply shows that you respect what God has given you and want to present that for your own benefit. Ms. Moore sums it up nicely in the end: The Lord knows how frail we are, how emotionally fragile our insecurities make us - and He loves us with an everlasting love anyway.
One more quick thing - I shared with the ladies a great book I have found for answering my kids' questions about God. It is called If I Could Ask God Anything by Kathryn Slattery. It has also opened up some great discussions between me and my kiddos.
Prayer Requests
Linda - Praise that she didn't need a biopsy on her toe - everything was okay! Please pray that she would get over her cold quickly.
Jennifer - Praise that the ultrasound showed that all was good with the baby! Please pray that she would make it through these next couple weeks while Chip is traveling.
Akane - Please pray that Matt would be led to choose the best position in the best start-up company that has been offered to him. That his decision would be both fulfilling to him and financially lucrative for his family.
Julie - Please continue to pray for her dad's foot. Also, that Mike would not be "punished" by his investors for something that was out of his control. Please pray that things would turn around for him at work both to relieve stress and give him more time at home with his family.
Shelly - Please continue to pray for her cousin Cheryl whose baby was born with Downs. Also for her brother-in-law, Dave, who recently lost his job.
Wendy - Continued prayers for her baby. Praise that she has made it to 16 weeks!!
Khanh - Please pray for good blood test results tomorrow - that the Lupus diagnosis was in error. Or in the case of affirmation of this diagnosis, that the disease would stay in remission or mild form and not effect Khanh's day-to-day living.
Siara - Please pray that my chiro is able to once again get my neck in alignment tomorrow so that I can start feeling better. Praise that I have somewhere to turn when my symptoms do get bad!
Please feel free to add anything in the comments! Love you all!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Our First Meeting
Discussion Time
Thanks to Amazon's use of snail mail, no one had their workbooks and so we didn't begin the actual study! We did however have great conversation. I began the study by sharing from Romans 1:8-12, which says: "First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. God, whom I serve with my whole heart in preaching the gospel of His Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you. I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong - that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."
I went on to explain how thankful I am for each of you that is setting time aside to do this study with me (and that goes for the online people too!). And just as the Apostle Paul wrote to the Romans about praying for them, I want to encourage each of us to pray for each other. This then leads to our...
Prayer Requests
Linda - would like prayer for good results from the biopsy of the dark spot on her toe which she is going to have on the 29th. Please pray that the biopsy would come back negative for skin cancer and that the procedure itself would be minimally invasive and relatively painless.
Jennifer - was having an ultrasound done today (the 22nd) to check her baby's size. Please pray that his growth would not be restricted, that he would reach a healthy size, and be born full term. Please also be praying for an easy labor and delivery.
Akane - Matt is beginning a new business venture which is both exciting and a little nerve-wracking for their family when in comes to the area of finances. Please pray for success in his venture, steady income from his consulting jobs, and a stability in their house as far as finances. Please also pray that Akane would get relief from the pain in her hip and lower back.
Julie - would like prayer for her father with the healing of his foot which he injured a month ago. Please pray that the doctors he sees would have answers as to what is causing the pain, and that he would get relief soon.
Shelly - Please pray that her relationship with her mom would grow and change for the better. That they might have a closer relationship for the sake of both Shelly and her girls, and that her mom's eyes would be opened to how she needs to change to make this growth possible.
Wendy - needs on-going prayer for the health and continued growth of the precious baby she's carrying. Please pray for a full-term pregnancy, and also for peace of mind over not getting the genetic testing done.
Siara - I had asked for prayer for God's will regarding Kevin's recent job interview. Apparently, it was not God's will for Kev to get that job - so I would just ask you to pray that Kevin be given peace and fulfillment in the job he currently has until God would lead him to something new. Also, prayer for peace and forgiveness for both Kevin and me when it comes to his family - especially his parents.
A big part of our discussion focused also on time management with our kids and their schooling, homework, extra-curricular activities, etc. This can be a prayer we can all have for each other.
If anyone would like to add a prayer request, or update what I have put here, please feel free to do so in the comments. Our next meeting will be October 5th, at which time I hope we will start our actual study. Again, please feel free to invite any lady to join us either in person, or online.
In the words of the Apostle Paul:
"...to the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ! Amen."
Thanks to Amazon's use of snail mail, no one had their workbooks and so we didn't begin the actual study! We did however have great conversation. I began the study by sharing from Romans 1:8-12, which says: "First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. God, whom I serve with my whole heart in preaching the gospel of His Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you. I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong - that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."
I went on to explain how thankful I am for each of you that is setting time aside to do this study with me (and that goes for the online people too!). And just as the Apostle Paul wrote to the Romans about praying for them, I want to encourage each of us to pray for each other. This then leads to our...
Prayer Requests
Linda - would like prayer for good results from the biopsy of the dark spot on her toe which she is going to have on the 29th. Please pray that the biopsy would come back negative for skin cancer and that the procedure itself would be minimally invasive and relatively painless.
Jennifer - was having an ultrasound done today (the 22nd) to check her baby's size. Please pray that his growth would not be restricted, that he would reach a healthy size, and be born full term. Please also be praying for an easy labor and delivery.
Akane - Matt is beginning a new business venture which is both exciting and a little nerve-wracking for their family when in comes to the area of finances. Please pray for success in his venture, steady income from his consulting jobs, and a stability in their house as far as finances. Please also pray that Akane would get relief from the pain in her hip and lower back.
Julie - would like prayer for her father with the healing of his foot which he injured a month ago. Please pray that the doctors he sees would have answers as to what is causing the pain, and that he would get relief soon.
Shelly - Please pray that her relationship with her mom would grow and change for the better. That they might have a closer relationship for the sake of both Shelly and her girls, and that her mom's eyes would be opened to how she needs to change to make this growth possible.
Wendy - needs on-going prayer for the health and continued growth of the precious baby she's carrying. Please pray for a full-term pregnancy, and also for peace of mind over not getting the genetic testing done.
Siara - I had asked for prayer for God's will regarding Kevin's recent job interview. Apparently, it was not God's will for Kev to get that job - so I would just ask you to pray that Kevin be given peace and fulfillment in the job he currently has until God would lead him to something new. Also, prayer for peace and forgiveness for both Kevin and me when it comes to his family - especially his parents.
A big part of our discussion focused also on time management with our kids and their schooling, homework, extra-curricular activities, etc. This can be a prayer we can all have for each other.
If anyone would like to add a prayer request, or update what I have put here, please feel free to do so in the comments. Our next meeting will be October 5th, at which time I hope we will start our actual study. Again, please feel free to invite any lady to join us either in person, or online.
In the words of the Apostle Paul:
"...to the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ! Amen."
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